November 30th, 2012...I was 15 weeks and 5 days pregnant with our baby girl. A day that would make another life changing event for my life, my husbands life, our daughters life, and the rest of my family's life. We gained another precious angel that day. We miss you greatly baby girl!
And here I sit, 15 weeks and 5 days pregnant today, with our precious peanut. I am mixed with way too many different, conflicting emotions.
Scared....scared that I will be right where I was on November 30th, met with the stages of grief starting all over again.
Sad....sad that I never got to count 10 little fingers and 10 little toes or smell that newborn smell and cuddle my baby girl for hours on end.
Tired....tired of trying to always be so strong just to be knocked down by the smallest of things.
Angry....angry that something I may or may not have done could be why we gained another angel.
Guilty....guilty that I moved forward so soon and became pregnant again.
Hopeful....hopeful that I will get to bring my peanut home healthy and alive this pregnancy.
Confused....confused as to why my baby girl had to be taken away so soon after my family was blessed by the news of her arrival.
Nervous....nervous that when I am not feeling my peanut move around or kick that something just isn't right.
Stressed....stressed over anything and everything that has been going on in the last month in a half and will be going on for the next few months.
Blessed....blessed because I was given another chance at creating a new life regardless of my past.
Happy....happy that I get to share all these special moments with my toddler who enjoys hugging, kissing, singing to, and rubbing our little peanut.
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